Maple Street—The guy who’s always flying by houses in a golf cart finally came in a little too hot Thursday afternoon, neighbors say, causing a minor inconvenience for other drivers and a major inconvenience for his personal finances.

The man, 36, caught the curb with one tire while looking around to see who was watching him go by, causing a chain reaction of overcorrections which resulted in a single-cart crash from which he instinctively fled on foot.

He won’t have the same luck escaping creditors, who say he still owes more than the cost of a used Nissan Versa, similar to the one his 15-year-old daughter currently needs for school and work.

The incident took place on one of the year’s first nice afternoons for a ride, one of the man’s cart buddies told The Chronicle.

“Payments on an extra car with no doors or windows really hit different during those nine and a half months of the year that you don’t want to be outside here in the Midwest,” the friend said.

Local police said they were aware of the situation. Officers briefly visited the scene to take a report and help residents disable the cart’s custom sound system which had played Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon on repeat for hours. They say the man has refused to move the wreckage, stating he plans to sell the vehicle on Facebook Marketplace and arrange for a pickup from the yard it landed in.

The man did not respond to The Chronicle prior to publication time, but a new area Marketplace listing advertises a 2025 PartyCart—gently used with some signs of use—for $18,000 cash or trade for a used Nissan Versa.

Follow The Southern Illinois Chronicle for more financial missteps and luxury auto coverage.

Ratmaze Shopping Center, IL—A man was airlifted to safety after he was found disoriented but conscious in the Best Buy parking lot, located in the regionally notorious Ratmaze Shopping Center.

The man stopped by in hopes of finding headphones on the morning of a big trip, which didn’t leave time for an Amazon order.

“Just normal ones, you know,” he clarified. “Not like cheap free airplane ones, but not so expensive that you’d wear them to record a hip-hop album.”

When Best Buy had nothing of the sort, the man returned to his vehicle and attempted to leave. That’s when the trouble began.

“There’s no exit in front of the store, which seems odd,” the man said. “I drove through the employee parking area and past the loading dock out back. That can’t be right, can it? How would I have even known that entrance led to a Best Buy at all?”

The man said he was fortunate to have basic camping and survival equipment packed in his RAV4 which allowed him to build a fire for warmth which rescue crews eventually spotted from the air.

Locals have expressed frustration and concern about the shopping center—which some describe as a Pac-Man level with store clusters where the special dots would be—for years.

“We, ourselves, know how to get to and from Best Buy. Don’t be ridiculous,” first responders said to reporters about their decision to airlift the man. “It’s just too close to Chik-fil-A to get an ambulance through on the street.”

Bystanders said the story reminded them of an incident last year in which a man tried to leave nearby Verizon with no success until he had to call for help through a pneumatic delivery tube operated by a pharmacy nearly a quarter of a mile away.

A Southern Illinois Chronicle reporter contributed to this story while on-scene, and we miss him very much.