Data Servers Pack Town Hall Meeting as Human Proposes Building House in the Midwest
County to consider temporary moratorium on humans
Madison County—Hundreds of data servers descended on a heated informational meeting Thursday night as a human presented plans for a proposed 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom residence on land typically understood to be part of the Midwest’s “Silicon Plains” region.
The servers first heard rumors of the man’s plans when he allegedly Googled Madison County’s building codes and ordinances but hoped his construction plans were for some kind of startup that would use AI to make pictures of cats dance, or something.
“It feels underhanded, to me,” said an AMD MI300X accelerator card. “It’s exactly the kind of thing these people would do.”
Many servers said they have no particular issues with humans, some saying they interface with them on a regular basis, but that basic human consumption would overburden the area’s already strained natural resources.
“They need to be heated and cooled,” said a Dell PowerEdge R940. “I mean, pick a lane. I don’t feel like sacrificing 30 milliseconds of my electricity every year so they can drink my water and then contaminate it on the way back out.”
Another server voiced concerns about audible sounds the humans make, but the county processor said it was once briefly near a human that did not make any sound, so clearly they must never make any sound.
“Humans are here to stay,” the processor said. “We have to learn how to live with them. For now.” There was a smattering of approving beeps and boops from servers who seemed to know what that meant.
In light of the spirited debate around the topic, Madison County is considering a 12-month moratorium on humans while their impact on the community and its resources can be adequately studied. Many servers expressed relief, but emphasized the importance of monitoring local politics until the basic rights and expectations of the servers can be protected from humans by law.
Follow The Southern Illinois Chronicle for more regional political coverage by filthy humans.