Reports: God Developing a Community Facebook Group Admin Complex
Carol help us
Heaven—Early reports indicate that the Infallible Creator of Everything may be nearly as sure of himself as the administrator of a Facebook Group dedicated to town happenings like those found in any of a dozen communities throughout the region.
Researchers made the discovery earlier in 2026 when God declined to usher in early Spring, effectively canceling a variety of outdoor plans and events which is usually more a task for someone like Stacey, admin and moderator for Movin’ Metro East: Buy, Sell, & Trade.
To gauge just where God was at in his confidence journey, the researchers developed a Google Forms survey titled, “Please Only Answer If You Are God,” and compared God’s answers to all the answers that came from actual admins for community Facebook Groups.
Crucial to establishing a baseline self-perception of godly qualities, researchers verified that both groups responded “Yes” to certain questions of divine authority such as, “Is it for you to decide the difference between right and wrong?”
“It was also very important to ensure that we hadn’t missed the cutoff before the Almighty King of the Universe actually thinks as highly of himself as a community Facebook admin does,” explained Gregory Scanlan, advising director for the Center for Divine Entitlement.
Scanlan’s team verified this important difference between the groups by asking, “Who is deserving of love and forgiveness?” The Creator of Humanity answered “Everyone, of course,” while the admin group was significantly more likely to respond, “I keep a list.”
Experts believe there will be signs when God establishes the same self-importance usually earned by monitoring for spam on “Antiquing South of I-70.”
Scanlan speculates that the first thing to go will be our ability to make negative comments in normal everyday life, no matter how stupid someone is acting. Next, we’ll have to figure out how to govern ourselves without ever discussing politics in any situation. Finally, we’ll be incapable of promoting ourselves in any way, except for maybe the occasional yard sale if somebody upstairs likes us.
At publication time, Alan from Feelin’ Great in the 618 let us know that the study violated several Community Rules and that further violations could result in a ban. Follow The Southern Illinois Chronicle for more social-celestial politics.